birth trauma

It’s Birth Trauma Awareness Week and 1/3 of women in the U.S. suffer from birth trauma. Here are my thoughts…

It’s not a coincidence that we have the highest maternal mortality rate of any developed nation.

1/3 of mothers experiencing trauma from such a natural, sacred, physiological event is already unacceptable for a society as “advanced” as we are, but the research that supports this claim is based solely on those who have identified their trauma and have spoken about it. How many additional mothers are walking around a) in silence or b) with a story that their ego has told them in order to cope with the trauma, i.e., “they did what they had to do to save me and my baby,” “I’m so glad I was in the hospital,” “my birth was dangerous and my doctor saved me”? We’ve all heard it. I still hear it all the time. Heck, I walked around like that myself for years after my first birth. And that’s not a bad thing - it’s a coping mechanism that helps us find peace.

I’m sure they did save you…from the danger they created by interfering with your physiological birth process. Facing reality requires a greater degree of responsibility and willingness to work through all the emotions that come with it, but I promise it’s worth it.

Not all birth trauma is avoidable but the vast majority of it is through informed consent, respecting the mother as the sole authority of her birth, childbirth education, and a devoted support system.

The problem is that our medical system fails to facilitate any of these things. Most OBGYNs and medical midwives are overwhelmed with patients and trained to be authoritative and actively manage birth. In my honest opinion, there’s the issue of their ego as well. An ideal provider understands that they are not needed and gives unwavering respect and support.

And so, mothers are then left to:

1) somehow become aware of this issue,

2) unlearn what this system has programmed them to believe about birth their entire life - that it’s dangerous and requires medical intervention, and

3) figure out how to fight the system in nearly every way throughout pregnancy, labor and birth, and postpartum - a time that should be honored, protected, and stress free in every possible way. (life hack: just birth at home)

This is why having a natural birth, empowered birth, or at least a birth that doesn't inflict trauma requires taking radical responsibility for your health and safety.

Bearing witness to the disrespect at least and psychological warfare at most that mothers are victimized by in the medical system has a lasting effect on partners and doulas as well. There is only so much protection from this that a partner or doula can bring to the birth space if you choose a provider that doesn’t support your values and it’s a huge responsibility to place on them.

One of the reasons I got into doula work was to prevent birth trauma and be the support that I needed during my first birth. I want to meet moms where they’re at in their journey and guide them to achieve their goals, but they have to be willing to do the inner work that’s required. That’s one thing I can’t do for them. I can encourage them to do it, remind them, offer resources and guidance to assist. I can do my best to protect the birth space, advocate, and support, but I can’t do the mindset work for them.

I end with a boundary: I can no longer subject myself to the second hand trauma that comes from attending births where a mother puts blind trust into a medical provider and no trust into her body, takes no responsibility for her health, and puts in no mindset work.